TRANSFORMEEERS

Greetings! What the fuck was I doing? Well, I was playing this somewhat obscure Famicom game from 1986, Transformers: Comvoy no Nazo. This game isn't that unfamiliar to me however. I played it on one of those Chinese multicarts, and I did managed to get to level 7 back in the day, but I was never able to finish it... until now. This game is arguably the most punishing, unfair and cruel videogame ever inflicted upon the Japanese public! Like, despite all that, it was well received. But even then, the game is just... cruel.

Now, I know that AVGN already reviewed this game but I just want to stop and appreciate how sadomasochist this game is, it just makes Ghosts n' Goblins seem like Balloon Fight. The game won't leave you alone for a damn second, enemies will continue to spawn even if you stand still. Projectiles are absurdly fast and are tiny, (just 4x4 pixels!) and they're almost (or completely) invisible if you play it on a real console.

You can turn into a truck, but there's this delay and you cannot move while you're transforming. Transforming back into a robot makes you vulnerable to enemy fire, and you will die instantly. Seeker jets dive-bomb you from above in a sine pattern. You only have three lives, the only way you can continue is by inputting a cheat code. Each stage is a gauntlet torture of memorization and pixel perfect positioning that demands perfection on EVERY SINGLE DAMN SCREEN.

Adding salt to injury, the game has this tendency to trap you. In Stage 9, there's a non-linear maze that does not make it clear if you're in the right path or not. The only way you can advance is by following a very specific pattern that appears to be explained in an one-shot manga. Yep, without that manga you cannot beat the game at all. You will loop Stage 9 until you get a game over. Luckily we're in the Internet era for quite awhile, so I was able to do it quite easily.

The game is kinda ass backwards, bosses are pretty easy in comparison to the levels themselves.

Stage 1? Easy, just shoot and walk straight. Eventually, you gotta jump some of these tanks. Normally, I'd advise you to finish the level with 10k points at the bare minimum just so you start Stage 2 with 4 lives instead of 3. But... I discovered a deep flaw in the game that most people did not noticed.
So, near to the ending of Stage 1, you have these "pineapple-like" enemies called "Hammer." Hammer is one of those robots that can just be destroyed with a single projectile. And... They spawn infinitely just like jets. (and everything else) Hmmm... You know what? I positioned myself somewhere that makes me safe, and I just kept shooting. One, two, thre exploded. I then did that again, and again, and again. They just wouldn't stop, like a fucking broken vending machine.

Now, the implications to the rest of the game are HUUUGE. Suddenly, the nine stage gauntlet of torture and pain just turns into a razor thin precision platformer that you are mathematically guaranteed to win. You died on Stage 4? No problem, you have about 10 or 15 in reserve. This is a game where you gotta constantly memorize where enemies come from, so constantly dying might make you prone to not die as often. Even more, the more you live, the more points you will get, so you will inevitably earn even more lives anyways. After all, dying with 3 lives actually stings, but with 24 lives is just a slip up.

Now, if you want to see the true ending, you gotta get all O-P-T-I-M-U-S letters. You can skip levels by destroying some of these red jets, but you wouldn't want that if you want to truly 100% this game. You will end up skipping some levels, and then you won't be able to get all letters. Which sucks a looot.

Stage 2 can be beaten if you try to stay at the highest points in the level.

Stage 3 and Stage 6 are the same but inverted. If you've done it once, you can do it twice. BUT. There's a factor most people ignore, there's a minigame with a picaxe guy! I don't know why he's there or what his purpose, but you can collect multiple points in there. There's not a lot of footage (if at all) online about this stage, so I recorded it here for preservation's sake.

Stage 4 is all about not moving too soon, or too late.

Stage 7 is Stage 1 but slippery and with WAY more enemies. This stage is a game of Russian roulette, some enemies here are absurdly unpredictable, so you gotta destroy those jets at the start of the level AND PRAY that it drops a B (invicibility power-up) so you can rush and get to the ending already.

Did I also forget to tell you that the power-up I previously mentioned doesn't actually protect you like Mario's star? No, it only makes you immune to three hits. The music then resets. Fuck. You get too overconfident and end up losing it way too soon.

Stage 8 and Stage 10 are also the same thing, inverted as well.

Anyways, I did it. Seriously...