2026.MAR.25

TRANSFORMEEERS

Greetings! What the fuck was I doing? Well, I was playing this somewhat obscure Famicom game from 1986, Transformers: Convoy no Nazo. This game isn't that unfamiliar to me, however. I played it on one of those Chinese multicarts, and I did manage to get to level 7 back in the day, but I was never able to finish it... until now. This game is arguably the most punishing, unfair and cruel videogame ever inflicted upon the Japanese public! Like, despite all that, it was well received. But even then, the game is just... cruel.

Now, I know that AVGN already reviewed this game but I just want to stop and appreciate how sadomasochistic this game is, it just makes Ghosts 'n Goblins seem like Balloon Fight. The game won't leave you alone for a damn second, enemies will continue to spawn even if you stand still. Projectiles are absurdly fast and tiny, (just 4x4 pixels!) and they're almost (or completely) invisible if you play it on a real console.

You can turn into a truck, but there's this delay and you cannot move while you're transforming. Transforming back into a robot makes you vulnerable to enemy fire, and you will die instantly. Seeker jets dive-bomb you from above in a sine pattern. You only have three lives, the only way you can continue is by inputting a cheat code. Each stage is a gauntlet of torture, memorization and pixel perfect positioning that demands perfection on EVERY SINGLE DAMN SCREEN.

The game's difficulty makes little sense. It's hard when it's not supposed to, and easy when it shouldn't be. Some bosses can be easily defeated by standing still and shooting projectiles. You'd expect bosses to be outright Kaizo-tier after playing a full stage, but no.


Stage 1? Easy, just shoot and walk straight. Eventually, you gotta jump some of these tanks. Normally, I'd advise you to finish the level with 10k points at the bare minimum just so you start Stage 2 with 4 lives instead of 3. But... I discovered a deep flaw in the game that most people did not notice.
So, near the ending of Stage 1, you have these "pineapple-like" enemies called "Hammer."
Hammer is one of those robots that can just be destroyed with a single projectile. And... They spawn infinitely just like jets. (and everything else)
You know what? I positioned myself somewhere that makes me safe, and I just kept shooting. One, two, three exploded. I then did that again, and again, and again. They just wouldn't stop, like a fucking broken vending machine.

The implications to the rest of the game are HUUUGE. Suddenly, the nine stage gauntlet of torture and pain just turns into a razor thin precision platformer that you are mathematically guaranteed to win. You died on Stage 4? No problem, you have about 10 or 15 lives in reserve. This is a game where you gotta constantly memorize where enemies come from, so constantly dying might make you prone to dying less. Even more, the more you live, the more points you will get, so you will inevitably earn even more lives anyways. After all, dying with 3 lives actually stings, but dying with 24 lives is what you'd call a small mistake.

If you want to see the true ending, you gotta get all R-O-D-I-M-U-S letters. You can skip levels by destroying some of these red jets, but you wouldn't want that if you want to completely beat this game. You will end up skipping some levels, and then you won't be able to get all letters. Which sucks a looot.

Stage 2 can be """easily""" beaten if you try to stand in any of the higher platforms in the level.

Stage 3 and Stage 6 are the same but inverted. If you've done it once, you can do it twice. BUT. There's a factor most people ignore, there's a minigame with a picaxe guy! I don't know why he's there or what his purpose is, but you can collect multiple points in there. There's not a lot of footage (if at all) online about this stage, so I recorded it here for preservation's sake.

Stage 4 is so-so. Also, take a look at this boss, it's not even trying to hit you. Hahaha

Stage 5... You have a single Volcano that can just be skipped over. Later on, you have other volcanoes that spit these spinning balls that move in a sine pattern, all you gotta do is remember the pattern so it won't hit you. ALSO, I don't know if it's just me, but every single time I play this level, I end up getting an F (flight) power-up from that specific jet right at the beginning. And like, you can just skip everything and go straight to the end! Was this deliberate? I hope it was. I also noticed that if you just keep spamming projectiles by bashing the B button, some enemies will just stop coming. It seems that the easiest way to beat this game is to cheat.
Oh, by the way, Stage 5's boss has the same funny issue as Stage 4's boss. You can defeat it by standing still and pressing B at the right time.

As I said before, Stage 6 is just Stage 3. So, no comments. Here's me bullshitting my way straight to the ending...

Stage 7 is Stage 1 but slippery and with WAY more enemies. This stage is a game of Russian roulette, some enemies here are absurdly unpredictable, so you gotta destroy those jets at the start of the level AND PRAY that it drops a B (invincibility power-up) so you can rush and get to the end already. You can't just run here, you gotta tap right multiple times... Slowly... Slowly... Slowly... Until you reach the end. Look at the end of the video and tell me if this game is fair. It isn't.

Stage 8 and Stage 10 are also the same thing, inverted as well. They're like Stage 3 and 6, but with another tileset and different sets of enemies.

Did I also forget to tell you that the power-up I previously mentioned doesn't actually protect you like Mario's star? No, it only makes you immune to three hits. The music then resets. Fuck. You get too overconfident and end up losing it way too soon.

Stage 9 is not like Super Mario Bros... Yeah, in 7-4, there's a loop that's kinda annoying to solve. But the difficulty wasn't that high, so even if you constantly messed up, you still could get the right path after 10 attempts or so. But here? You gotta follow the same exact pattern as shown above. Let's all give a big thank you to Seth0708 for his patience (and audacity) in creating this walkthrough.

You have multiple branching paths, and you gotta choose the right one. If you mess up even once, there's no going back. You either lose a life, or finish the stage so you can do it all over again. Basically, this stage is a waste of time. The game flat out REFUSES TO INDICATE WHETHER YOU'RE IN THE CORRECT PATH OR NOT. So, if you do it on your first try in a blind playthrough, you'll have to try HUNDREDS OF POSSIBLE COMBINATIONS just to get started. So, it's safe to assume that the game cannot be completed unless you have a strategy guide with you. You need that strategy guide.

Oh, and then you get to Stage 10, you beat "MechaGodzilla" and the game ends. Or not. You still need all letters that spells RODIMUS' name, remember?

As a bonus, did you know there is a fixed version of this game? A lot of quality of life improvements have been added, and there are plenty. The only criticism I have is that the game is kinda too easy. I mean, it's nice that you have a health bar, but the game is a little bit too generous at times, giving you the F (fly) power way too soon, and the power-ups are carried over to the next level. You can only lose them if you die.

    I won't put it here, but the red-blue flash that causes the seizures is darker. Also, here's a cutscene that wasn't available in the original game.
    There's a subtitle for each level, that is, on Stage 1 it tells you it's "WASTELAND" instead of just Stage 1.
    You can walk while transforming into a truck, the animation is also way faster in comparison to the original game.
    The HEALTH BAR, obviously.
    You can hit small robots on the ground as an upright robot. In the original game, you had to turn into a truck, hit them (not with the projectile, the projectile's explosion mind you, that was also fixed) and then transform back into a robot.
    Explosions look a lot better now.
    Hitboxes were completely fixed. In the original game, projectiles had to be hit dead center for it to count.
    You can scroll the camera to the left, so backtracking is possible.
    Enemy projectiles aren't 4x4 pixels that are near invisible in CRT TVs, they're actually visible now.
    And finally... The damn stage 9 finally has good path indicators. You won't be forced to get a strategy guide to finish this one. All you have to do is collect all these little turtles (they weren't used in the original game) and then reach for the ending. Better than trying completely random path combinations without the game telling you whether you're on the right path or not. Thank God.

Anyways, I did it. Seriously...